You ask him!

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher repeated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” 

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”

Source : C’ns magazine

Chief is at a Wedding

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down main street. “but, officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say..”

“And I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!” a few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom”

Be careful with what you wish for

A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating their 60^th birthdays, which were on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that, because they had been such a loving couple for al 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “well I’d like to have a women 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

Holiday Shopping

A little lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket.  She then went to the checkout counter where she told the checkout girl, “Nothing but the best for my little kitten on Christmas.” The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.”

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies – one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food. Frustrated, she went home, came back and brought in her dog. She was given the dog cookies. 

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.

The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.” The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, “That smells like a crap.” 

The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, “Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of toilet paper?”